


There Is No Going Back

by raelee514



Series: Aaron Week 2020 [2]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Aaron Dingle Week 2020, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:20:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26996581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raelee514/pseuds/raelee514
Summary: Day 2 (13th Oct):  “I’m not drunk.  I s-swear.” and/or “I don’t have enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel.”Aaron's leaving Emmerdale. Will Robert let him?
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Series: Aaron Week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1970935
Comments: 10
Kudos: 74





	There Is No Going Back

He stopped, feeling a bit turned around in the airport, after a quick stop in the bogs. He'd told Brian to go ahead of him, seeing his nerves about missing the flight despite them having plenty of time. Brian was like that, though, a bit high strung. Sometimes it drove Aaron a bit mad. But right now, he wished he'd gone with him. But he wandered around and found the board with the gate and flight times and the arrow pointing him in the right direction.

And he paused. 

It was a huge step. Leaving Emmerdale. Taking his and Brian's relationship up a few steps from where they were. But they'd been together half a year. It was his first real relationship. The first time he didn't manage to let Robert ruin it…

Maybe that wasn't fair. It was him choosing Robert over and over. But Robert coming out, finally, as bi changed things for the… It changed things. Robert still only looked at him like a mate. There was no love confession like Aaron had always secretly hoped. No, Robert was bisexual, and he only saw Aaron as his mate. 

He had to let him go. He met Brian. He jumped in. 

He refused to let Robert make him choose between time with his boyfriend and time with him. He made the conscious effort to put Brian first… Which meant he missed Robert. They barely spent time together anymore, and when they did, there was this wall, this awkwardness that never been there before. Robert angry he wasn't getting Aaron's full attention. Aaron angry Robert expected it when he would never look at him like he wanted…

He frowned. It was for the best. Maybe it was toxic. But guilt rubbed at him as he walked toward the gate. He only said goodbye to his family. Hadn't told anyone else he was leaving. He wasn't saying goodbye to any of his mates — yet he didn't feel guilty about Vic and Adam. 

"AARON."

He froze. It was in his head. He was thinking about him, he'd let him in his head again. When he'd promised he wouldn't. Going to Ireland would be good. He could finally set himself free of Robert Sugden. 

"AARON."

It wasn't in his head. He turned around. Robert seemed to stumble toward him, unsteady on his feet. And he blinked at Aaron for a minute. Aaron felt his heart sink. He was drunk. He knew how Robert moved when he was — his large limbs seemed to work in slow motion, and he looked like a wobbly baby colt. 

He wobbled closer. 

Aaron shook his head. "I don't know how you found out. But I'm going, Robert. I don't wanna hear about how you don't like Brian."

"I'm in love with you."

Aaron froze.

"I heard, and I had to stop ya. I love you. Does that mean anything? I love you."

He made a noise of bewilderment. He felt like he walked into a wall or something. He stiffened, tensed, he thought his knees might give out. And dropped both his duffle bag and his passport. 

He watched the passport slide right across the floor and land at Robert's feet. 

"Can't leave now…" Robert crowed, picking it up and smiling lopsidedly. Thrilled with it. Off-kilter and obviously drunk.

Drunk.

'You're drunk," Aaron muttered, more to himself than Robert. He was drunk and angry. Aaron was leaving. But he didn't mean…

He didn't mean it. 

"I'm not drunk…I swear…" but his vowels dragged out. 

"You're drunk."

"I was at the pub, drinking when I found out."

Aaron frowned at that, wondering why, but no, it didn't matter. 

"How did you get here?" he asked instead, worried. 

"Vic."

Aaron looked around. 

"I only bought one ticket to get in here, to the gate."

"Rob…" he closed his eyes. The guilt at not saying goodbye rearing up again.. .how had he shown up while he was fretting about it? It was like he knew. Like he always did…No. He was with someone else. It was serious and real. He was working on it, being a good boyfriend. 

"Aaron…"

" I know I should have told ya, alright," Aaron interrupted before Robert said anything mad again. " I know I've told you, I wasn't sure about this, that I love Emmerdale. But I decided to do it. Go to Ireland with Brian, this job is important to him, and he's my boyfrie…"

"I love you," Robert yelled it. 

Aaron flinched the lack of volume control, adding to the doubt any of the words were real. Yet all his nerve endings were buzzing. His heart was listening. Because he'd wanted this for a long. Robert. Them. He wanted Robert to look at him like he mattered. Like he was vital to his well being. Sometimes Aaron had been sure he had, that he did, that they did have something special. 

But Robert always only said or treated him like a mate in the end. He couldn't do this. Robert couldn't do this to him. "Stop."

"I love you."

"No, you don't," Aaron snapped. "You don't. You date anyone with a pulse, but you never look at me twice…"

"I always look at ya…you're beautiful."

Aaron felt hot, and his eyes stung. Why was he doing this? "I'm with someone. I'm gonna live with them."

"Don't."

"Robert."

"Stay…." Robert stepped closer. "I mean it, yeah. I'm in love with you."

Aaron shook his head and looked away. He couldn't look at him. At his face, it looked like it did when Robert was honest. When he stripped himself down to the real him. 

But it couldn't be. 

"Please, if…if that means anything, Aaron. Please stay, let us figure it out. Let us…"

"Us?" Aaron wiped at his eyes, hating he was crying. He shook his head. Again. Maybe if he shook it enough, the situation would go away. "What us…you've barely been a mate this last month…" and maybe that was his fault too, but he had tried.

"What you think I wanted to watch you all loved up with him...he's not good enough for ya, couldn't stand seeing him touch ya. Hate that he made you smile and laugh… I hated it. I hate him. I hated every second of it. Because I love ya, I hated seeing you be serious with someone else. Someone, not me."

He was back to being speechless. 

"I'm sorry, alright…I'm sorry, I'm drunk, and this seems out of nowhere, and you don't believe me. I'm sorry I feel desperate and am shouting things I should have told ya ages ago. But I've… I've known for a while now, that I feel for ya if anything it's gotten stronger — and I know now. I can't deny it anymore. I can't look away from it now, ever. You're beautiful, and your grumpy, and you're too fucking good for me. I'm out of my league, and I know it, Aaron. But if… we mean anything to ya… Stay. Please believe me."

He felt something shatter. If he stayed put, he would start to believe him. He'd buy it, and he'd ruin his relationship with Brian. And then what? Robert would sober up. Robert would get bored and start dating someone else. And after years of watching him date women, Aaron wasn't sure he could ever watch him date a man…

He was a hypocrite, but he didn't care. 

Robert was just being controlling. He didn't really want Aaron or love him. He just didn't want to lose him. 

Aaron stepped forward and tried to grab his passport from Robert's hand, but Robert tightened his grip. They struggled, their eyes met, and Aaron felt like falling into the way Robert was looking at him. Silently pleading with him. But Aaron wouldn't cave in to the impulse to let him win. To listen to anything he was saying — he was just saying what Aaron wanted to hear.

"Stop trying to control anything, this isn't you loving me, Robert. You don't…you never have."

"I was stupid."

"You have to let me go."

"No."

"Rob…" he stared at him. 

Robert's face was sad, angry, confused…. Drunk. 

"I'm not that drunk," he muttered. Like he knew what Aaron was thinking. 

"I'm leaving," Aaron said, and finally, he yanked the passport free. But he's surprised by the lack of relief at getting it. 

But no, Robert's just… he doesn't mean it. He just hates to share. Share Aaron as a mate. It's not jealousy or love…it's not real. Aaron grabbed his duffle bag and started stalking toward the gate. He'd already been running late. Brian was probably already boarded. 

He looked behind him, and Robert was following him. 

He sighed. 

He gave his boarding pass to the woman at the gate, he felt Robert breathing behind him. 

He stepped onto the ramp up to the plane and turned back, expecting to see Robert staring at him. Wondering why he wasn't shouting to try to stop him. He wasn't sure why he wanted to see it. Or hear it. Maybe he wanted to believe Robert…

Maybe he really wanted to believe, Robert. 

His heart was in his ears, and Robert was getting on the plane.

"What?" Aaron stared at him. 

"I bought a ticket. I'll follow you all the way there if I have to."

"Brian's…" he looked behind him.

"I know."

"This is daft, you've lost the plot… Robert, you can't control me. I'm allowed a life and boyfriend and other mates…"

"It was before I could admit I was bi, you know."

"What?"

"When I fell for ya, it was before I could admit to it, to liking blokes. I fell for you because I watched you come out. Brave, in people's faces, loud and just so fucking amazing."

"That was years ago."

"And it took me years, Aaron. It's been six months."

"Was proud of ya," Aaron admitted.

Robert shrugged. "Better late than never."

Aaron shifted on his feet. Not knowing what to do.

"I thought it was too late. For us. I thought you'd never look at me twice." 

Aaron pursed his lips. 

"I thought I could handle it. You and him. I hated it. I couldn't watch it. I hated it was serious when I'd finally caught up…"

"We really need everyone to board…" a woman interrupted. 

Aaron groaned and remembered where they were. "This isn't…"

"The time? The place? At all appropriate. I KNOW AARON. But you didn't even tell me. I was at the bar, brooding about you…. Hating that you might, that you MIGHT go with him. And Chas tells me, your mum, just brags her son is so brave and in love, he'll sacrifice being near his family. And I panicked, alright, I'm not drunk drunk, just enough not to squelch the impulse to stop ya. And I'm happy about it if being a bit drunk means we can finally, maybe be something more…

Be what we should be.

Because I mean it, Aaron. 

I love you. 

I have since we were stupid teenagers. I have since the day we met. You're the most important person in my life. You make me better… you've got to know that. I know I'm not good enough, alright. But I don't care, selfish Robert, right… 

I want ya. 

I love ya.

Do you love him, Aaron? 

Or is it me?"

Aaron looked behind him, and then he looked back at Robert. 

Robert. 

Robert Fucking Sugden. His best mate. Vic's older brother, who was rude and arrogant and annoying. Until he wasn't. Until he was there for Aaron during some of his darkest times. His mate, his best mate, even more than Adam. Because he fell for him, fell him the moment, he saw past his armor. And he could just be with him.

Talk with. 

Share secrets. 

Robert was the only one who really knew him.

He loved him since he was eighteen. But always thought it would never happen…

But he stared at him, found his eyes, and they looked intense and clear. There was clarity there — no, he couldn't believe it. 

But…

"Aaron? Am I stalking you to you, Ireland?"

Aaron laughed. 

Robert smiled again, and Aaron felt dazed by how brilliant he looked.

"You mean it?"

Robert nodded.

"Say it."

"I love ya, I'm in love with ya, Aaron."

Aaron nodded.

Robert looked dumbstruck. 

Aaron stepped closer to him. "Yeah. Yes."

"Can you say it?"

"I love ya."

Robert grabbed his arm. "Can we go home?"

Aaron looked behind him. 

"Plane is leaving in three minutes, sirs." The flight attendant muttered.

They jumped and looked at her. 

Robert pulled Aaron with him off the ramp, and he let him. He looked behind him and searched for guilt. But there wasn't enough. "I'll call him."

"No second thoughts?" Robert asked once they were off the ramp.

"You?"

"Never. I took too long, Aaron. Now, no, there is no going back."

Aaron felt dizzy, but he looked at their hands. When had they threaded them together? He looked at their hands, and he felt the weight of Robert's in his, and it felt right. They started to walk, their strides in unison. Aaron remembered countless walks with Robert, them side by side, and how easy, always was — the only easy thing in his life was his friendship with Robert. 

Unless they made it complicated. 

Maybe it was true, maybe he had always loved him too?

"You can't go back, Robert," Aaron said. 

"I don't want to." 

Aaron stopped walking and turned toward him. Looked into those blue-green eyes that always seemed to see through him. He shivered as he felt it again, and Robert's hand was on his face. He stepped closer and licked his lips. Eyes dipping down to Aaron's mouth. Aaron felt like he tipped forward. 

The kiss felt a static burst of energy. 

He felt fuzzy. 

Robert stroked the nape of his neck with his thumb as they broke apart. 

Aaron stared at him, and it fell into place. His fear dissipated, lost in another brilliant smile from Robert. He saw it in his eyes. There was clarity, knowledge. He knew what Robert looked like when he told the truth — this was the truth. 

He could always see Robert's truth. 

"I'm ready for ya, I love ya."

"Yeah?" Aaron giggled, elation hitting him. 

"Yeah."

Aaron snorted. "An airport love confession?"

"Works on tv."

"Geek."

"You love me…" it was obvious Robert meant it to sound smug like he believed it but doubt crept into his voice and on his face.

"Of course, you muppet, I have since I was 18."

"Sorry, it took me so long."

"Here now?"

"Forever.."


End file.
